I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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