Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm jealous of your bromance
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
