I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
