So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
