just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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