I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
