You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I would ride that face into the sunset
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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