About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
