Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
