true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
