i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
