so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
