Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
