do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
