Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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