no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
