I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
