Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
did i just pee glitter
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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