no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
