The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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