He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hippo gnu deer
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
