ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
