So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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