woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
