it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just had sex bonerless
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
