$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
