just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
