omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
