You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
