i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
