If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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