The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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