I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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