I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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