??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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