I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
