i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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