You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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