Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
