sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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