Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
