She is in my trunk
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
