my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
