it's like iHOP with fire
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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