If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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