Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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