Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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