another moral hangover. fuck.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Less talking, more tequila
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
