Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
