Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
